Hope...Anchor

   

Sometimes as a musician I don't always listen to the words of songs when I play them. It is never intentional, I am just solely concentrating on what I need to be playing. When I do that normally there is nothing around it is just me and my flute. But this song that I am playing/working on right now by Hillsong called Anchor ; it really speaks to my heart. My eyes water and my heart cries out when I play it. I might not be singing the words but I see them and read them on my music.

Here are some of the lines:

" I have this hope
as an anchor for my soul
through every storm
I will hold to you...

There is hope in the promise of the cross,
You gave everything to save the world you love
and this hope is an anchor for my soul,
Our God will stand unshakable....

Your Name is higher,
Your Name is greater,
All my hope is in You,
Your word unfailing,
Your promise unshaken,
All my hope is in you."
 
What better life is there to know that all we have to have is hope and the Lord will give us strength to get through everything no mater what the problem is. Life isn't easy and if it was we would always be bored. God gives us a way to make it easy though, we just have to listen to him.

Isaiah 40:31 "Those who Hope in the Lord will renew their strength..."


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My Love

"I found the one my heart loves." Song of Solomon 3:4

Last night I had the worst time falling asleep. I kept thinking what would my life be like if I lost my husband May of 2011.  Would I have moved back to Texas? Would I stay a good mom?  Would I eventually have gotten remarried?  I don't know those answers and I am so thankful for the Lord healing and saving my husband.  

My husband Dusty, he is a strong man, but  is not a Christian and at times we clash a lot because I am.  I really know that God has big plans for him when he does realize that there is no greater love than Gods. I can't even begin to explain it to him.  I pray for him daily.  He knows I do this. He tells me to stop it when he sees that I am praying over him. He used to get mad now he has accepted it. I am going to pray and no matter what he says it won't stop him.  When he got sick back in April of 2011. I prayed like crazy.  I asked for prayers.  Dusty spent 28 days in the hospital.  I don't think I ever want to relive that again. It was such a trying time for us as a family.  I prayed over him and over him. While he was sleeping, when he was awake. I prayed holding his hand while he was being prepped for surgery.  The whole time I was scared he was going to die.  They told us that if we waited one more day he would have died.  That time was so trying for us.  

Now he has anxiety about my trip. I keep telling him that this is God's plan.  We talked about it. He said I could go but little did he know he really had no choice.  God made my way and has provided every need that I have needed to go.  So now as we are under 30 days away. I have reversed my worries to what if I don't come back.  Will my baby girl be okay? Will he be okay?  I know these thoughts are the devil trying hard to scare me about going.  But guess what I am going.  I am going for the glory of God.  I am going to serve my mighty King.  I shouldn't worry about anything because God has a plan and he has my back.  

Okay so where is this going I ask myself because I am really good at getting off track.  Dusty is the love of my life.  I have a hard time doing things with out him.  This trip is the first time in 16 years that I will be to far for him to come to my rescue.  I can't rely on him for help.  I can't call him when I am having a bad moment. I am nervous because of this.  I haven't even left and I already have anxiety about the flight.  It took reading a blog post from someone that travels internationally that has helped some of my anxiety.  I know that I can email him and I can Skype with Dusty but I can't call him because someone says something to me and it hurt my feelings.  I realize that he is my love and he is my foundation here in earth.  He is my comfort when I need it.  I hope that no matter what is going on when I am gone that I know that he is still going to be here when I get home.  

I will be okay, God is in my corner.  I just have to keep repeating that!  

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Traveling fears...

   I am leaving in 32 days to a country I have never been to, only seen pictures, heard stories. I am not scared, maybe a little nervous, but defiantly not scared. When talking with my friends about my trip they all ask me what are my fears.

I think my fears are silly fears.  I am really afraid I am going to get leg cramps. I am prone to them and know that I get them easily especially after walking for a really long time and not drinking enough fluids.  Hopefully to prevent them I am going to take with me potassium and calcium supplements.  I also have a fear of getting sick to my stomach from eating something strange.  This I know can happen even here in America.  So I will load up on anti-diarrhea meds, apple juice and apple cider vinegar   I started drinking apple juice with apple cider vinegar in it for a little over 6 or 7 months now. I never have problems with my stomach as long as I drink it, so I will take it with me and drink it while I am there.

I am not afraid of dying.  I think that no matter where in the world you are, if it is your time to go home to be with the Lord then it is going to happen. If that means I am 8,000 miles away so be it. I know I died doing what the Lord intended me to do.

I know that this trip is something that I have been called to do by the Lord. I am ready for my mission whole heartily. The Lord blessed me with all the necessary funds to go and he gave my husband peace about the trip now. (but don't tell Dusty that cause he will just say no I have come to the realization.. yada yada.. blending together nerd talk here).

I am honored to get to go spread the word of God and to help people that can not get help other wise.

Please pray for the team I am traveling with and with the people of the country I am going to.  I can't say right now where I am going because it is dangerous to talk about it before hand.  When I get back at the end of Feb. I plan on having a series of post about my experiences 


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