Smile.. but it hurts..

I am normally always a cheerful person.  I never let the worst get to me even when at times the worst is really not the worst because "it could always be worse".  I stay optimistic in every situation.  When I try and be negative it just aways gets turned around to be a positive in most cases.  Most cases but the one that has been bothering me and having me wondering if what I want is really what is in God's Plan for me.

I know your thinking what has you down.. well let me tell you.

I have wanted another child for the last 8years.  We tried the foster/adopt route that did not work. That just made our hearts break even more along with my families hearts.  I will never go that route again nor suggest it to someone that is in the same situation.

I guess I should back up 10years for you. My husband decided he didn't want any more children and at the time we where separated because of unforeseen circumstances that I will not put on here. He decided he would have a vasectomy. Which at the time was fine by me.  Now I wish I told him no. But that is another story.. anyways at the first of this year he had a semen analysis it was results we where wanting. He is in the normal range just on the lower end of it.  So the past few months it is up to me.  I have been eating healthier, losing some weight, being more active.  The medicine the doctor gave me finally worked write and I had a period on my own.  So everything seems to be falling into place right?  So Why do I feel so down?  Why does it seem that it just isn't going to work?

I can't help but doubt this is really what I want. I laid in bed talking to Dusty last night about what if this is the wrong choice we are making, trying to bring another life into the world.  Will Sephy be put on the back burner while we show new love to this new baby.  Will we have to say NO more often because we have another person now to think of?  Will she get to do all the things her heart desires (within reason of course) if we have another baby?  Will the timing be right for next summer for vacation planning in the works?

I know my heart really desires another child, but is right now really the right time?

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Eating right for you type??

So my hubby is swearing by Dr. Peter D'Adamo's books Eat Right For 4 Your Type.  So we tested our blood to see what blood type we are and decided to start this "NEW" way of eating.  I am Type B and he is Type O Both of us are positives.  So there is this huge list of foods we have to avoid.  The #1 and #2 foods we eat the most are the foods we can't have anymore.. UGH.. Chicken and Wheat... It is the Lectin in the Chicken that I can't eat and the Gluten in the Wheat.  So needless to say I am going on day 5 with no Bread and No Chicken and let me tell you it hasn't been easy.  I can't have corn either.. Just Rice and some other grains.. not to sure it is starting to all blur together already.  So mostly we eat Beef and Fish now.  Lots of Veggies.  It is keeping us from eating out unless we go to a sit down restaurant.  Which is hard to do around here because there is only 2 places we can eat and neither one of them is the best in the world.  I have lost like 5 lbs since Thursday.  I have noticed that I have a lot of energy that I hadn't had before, even with being sick with a viral cold.  I even noticed that my skin is loose, which drives me nuts, but I guess that is to happen if I am going to loose weight.

So you are wondering why are we all of a sudden changing our eating habits right??
Well if not that is okay, I am still going to tell you.  LOL.....

Most of my family knows that 9yrs ago Dusty had a vasectomy, well he had a test and it either healed or one of the tubes grew back or he had a 3rd tube either way.. he is spitting out those little tadpoles and we can try and have a baby.  So with his odd and my weight it for sure won't happen.  But if I loose weight and we increase our eating healthy lifestyle, plus some medical intervention we might possibly have another baby of our own.   So we are trying what we must to have our own child.

I was so excited for the news, now I just want to shred this weight so we can get pregnant.

So I think starting tonight I will post what we had for dinner.. So if your type B or type O it can help you if you decided to do the same.