"I found the one my heart loves." Song of Solomon 3:4
Last night I had the worst time falling asleep. I kept thinking what would my life be like if I lost my husband May of 2011. Would I have moved back to Texas? Would I stay a good mom? Would I eventually have gotten remarried? I don't know those answers and I am so thankful for the Lord healing and saving my husband.
My husband Dusty, he is a strong man, but is not a Christian and at times we clash a lot because I am. I really know that God has big plans for him when he does realize that there is no greater love than Gods. I can't even begin to explain it to him. I pray for him daily. He knows I do this. He tells me to stop it when he sees that I am praying over him. He used to get mad now he has accepted it. I am going to pray and no matter what he says it won't stop him. When he got sick back in April of 2011. I prayed like crazy. I asked for prayers. Dusty spent 28 days in the hospital. I don't think I ever want to relive that again. It was such a trying time for us as a family. I prayed over him and over him. While he was sleeping, when he was awake. I prayed holding his hand while he was being prepped for surgery. The whole time I was scared he was going to die. They told us that if we waited one more day he would have died. That time was so trying for us.
Now he has anxiety about my trip. I keep telling him that this is God's plan. We talked about it. He said I could go but little did he know he really had no choice. God made my way and has provided every need that I have needed to go. So now as we are under 30 days away. I have reversed my worries to what if I don't come back. Will my baby girl be okay? Will he be okay? I know these thoughts are the devil trying hard to scare me about going. But guess what I am going. I am going for the glory of God. I am going to serve my mighty King. I shouldn't worry about anything because God has a plan and he has my back.
Okay so where is this going I ask myself because I am really good at getting off track. Dusty is the love of my life. I have a hard time doing things with out him. This trip is the first time in 16 years that I will be to far for him to come to my rescue. I can't rely on him for help. I can't call him when I am having a bad moment. I am nervous because of this. I haven't even left and I already have anxiety about the flight. It took reading a blog post from someone that travels internationally that has helped some of my anxiety. I know that I can email him and I can Skype with Dusty but I can't call him because someone says something to me and it hurt my feelings. I realize that he is my love and he is my foundation here in earth. He is my comfort when I need it. I hope that no matter what is going on when I am gone that I know that he is still going to be here when I get home.
I will be okay, God is in my corner. I just have to keep repeating that!
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